PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
