a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
