I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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