I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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