i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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