I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
