that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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