wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
