Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
