I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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