If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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