Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
