Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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