I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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