We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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