we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
