how can u be prego again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
