I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
