haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
