really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
