Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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