yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
