youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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