His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
