i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
