you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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