you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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