On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So squirting runs in the family.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
