Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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