Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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