i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
