My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
