he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
