Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
