apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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