my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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