she smelled like a LAN party
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
