garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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