I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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