I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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