I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
