I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
