I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
