dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
