Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
