is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
