I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
