I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
