hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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