I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
